Uncle Zeke’s Buzzardtown Love Poems

.

by DAVID PARMER

Uncle Zeke was fond of poetry and found it an expressive way to convey good cheer. Uncle Zeke also was fond of poking fun by way of verse at the boys and girls of his home town of Buzzardtown.. Here are two examples of the love poems exchanged between a Buzzardtown boy and girl.

.

.

I’ve Got a Girl
I’ve got a girl, her name is Bess,
Not good looking, I’ll confess—
Arm like a doodlebug, foot like a ham,
Dumb as a mule from Alabam.

Hump on her back, has one cork leg,
Warts on her face, big as an egg.
One eye is green, the other is blue,
Her hair is false, her teeth is too.

Underslung jaw, her mouth is numb,
All out of whack from chewing gum.
A turned up nose, an Andy Gump chin,1
But a darned good girl for the shape she’s in.

Uncle Zeke on behalf of the Buzzardtown girl, retorts:

I’ve Got a Beau
I’ve got a beau, his name is Jim,
He looks like something the cat dragged in;
Eyes are crooked, got a bad stare,
Head all bald for want of hair.

Nose is red, mouth caved in,
Tobacco juice smeared all over his chin;
Tall and skinny, legs all bowed,
He’s both knockkneed and pigeontoed.

He’s rather hunchbacked, got a neck like a crane,
He’s sometimes crazy and sometimes sane;
Not good looking, ugly as sin
But a darned good man for the shape he’s in.

Footnotes

1. For those of us too young to remember, here's a picture of Andy Gump and his chin (or lack thereof.).

.