An Old Prevaricator

The previous entry was about Bill and Minnie Copeland's life in Orlando. This entry looks at Bill's special talent for telling a tall tale.

by David Parmer

In the days before radio and television, the art of conversation held sway in many homes in Orlando. Whether it be everyday gossip, stories of the "olden days," ghost stories, or tall-tale telling, the people of the Oil Creek area relished a modicum of prevarication to go along with the truth of the matter. One need only to read the weekly columns of Uncle Zeke’s Buzzardtown News to understand the role of "truth stretching" in livening up day-to-day life in Orlando. Of course, Uncle Zeke was probably the number one dissimulator in central West Virginia, or at least he was the most well known. However, there was one storyteller in Orlando to whom Uncle Zeke humbly accepted the back seat and that was Bill Copeland, the Prevaricator of Orlando.

Left: P. N. "Uncle Zeke" Blake

Right: Bill Copeland

The Fine Art of Prevarication

During his days in Orlando, Bill was renowned as a story-teller. As mentioned above, the state of conversation in daily life before the days of radio and television is in stark contrast to the mind-numbing modern era where the art of conversation doesn’t exist and the television set is always blaring. During the early 1900’s, country schools such as Burnsville High School fielded literary and debate societies and oratorical and debate contests were common in even smaller communities such as Orlando. Families which had enjoyed practically no formal education encouraged and fostered the art of conversation and communication skills. Uncle Zeke who had formal education of less than three terms wrote a newspaper column read throughout West Virginia and adjoining states, and was a fair hand at turning out poetry and comedic, satiric and thoughtful columns. Families carried on political discussions at the dinner table, under the old Elm tree, or on the porch after dinner. Nighttime conversations often included the telling of ghost stories and tall tales, allowing for developing the art of prevarication.

A Master of Prevarication

One recognized master prevaricator in Orlando during the early 1900’s was Bill Copeland. Perhaps the hour long walks to and from his Burnsville employment provided the impetus to conjure up tall tales and made the daily walks pass quickly. Whatever the motivation, Bill was given his due by none other than Uncle Zeke, also a renowned teller of tall tales.

~ In his January 22, 1918 column, Uncle Zeke recounted that "Bill Copeland says one morning as he was going out to work for the Hope Gas Company, he found the sun froze fast to a big chunk of ice and he blew his breath on it and thawed it loose and forthwith it hastened on its journey."

~ Recognizing Bill’s penchant for the tall tale, in his August 27th, 1918 column, Uncle Zeke admiringly wrote that "Some people can tell a lie but won’t, but Bill Copeland says he can tell the truth but won’t."

~ A few months later, Uncle Zeke, still in awe of his cohort in tall tale telling, stated in his November 12th column, that "Bill Copeland of Orlando has dissolved partnership with the truth."

~ Uncle Zeke also admired Bill’s horticultural skills. In a December 10th, 1918 column, he paid homage to Bill’s magnificent garden, "Bill Copeland says out of his crop of pumpkins this year he had a few as big as Charleston." However, Uncle Zeke wasn’t shy about reporting Bill’s horticultural setbacks.

~ In his October 7th, 1919 column, Bill advised his friend Uncle Zeke that "his pumpkin crop was almost a failure this year. He says his smallest one only weighed one hundred and eighty pounds."

~ In the early days of radio (which was initially called "wireless telegraphy"), Uncle Zeke quoted Bill who was informing the public that he had the "contract of cleaning off the right of way for the new wireless telegraph, from here to there."

~ Later, as a newfangled aeroplane happened to fly over Orlando, Bill Copeland, according to Uncle Zeke on August 3, 1922, advised the boys on the porch at Charlie Knight’s store that the plane was "looking out a route for a wireless telegraph line."

Right: Some of the fellows on the porch at Charlie Knight's store.

~ When it came to military secrets, Bill however had a weakness with divulging new military technology. In his post World War I column of January 28, 1919 column, Uncle Zeke chastised Bill for revealing that "Uncle Sam has invented a gun so big that it would take all of Union Hill (a community near Crawford) tied on a ramrod to make it a set of wipers."
~ Uncle Zeke did admit that Bill, on occasion could be truthful. On January 21, 1919, Zeke reported that "Bill Copeland told the truth the other day, and he hasn’t felt well ever since."

~ Uncle Zeke was a great reader of Bill’s facial expressions and said, on February 19th, 1921, that "Of course, I won’t mention any name, but it is real funny to see Bill Copeland when he hears the truth told."

~ Uncle Zeke was critical of Bill’s total lack of control when it came to letting the ‘cat out of the bag’ about upcoming court actions. Zeke reported, on April 19, 1921, that "Bill Copeland says that Dr. Peck has threatened to indict Henry Cole at the next term of court for being so slow." Zeke observed with a straight face that his advice that men who live in glass houses, such as Doc Peck, "shouldn’t throw stones."

Right: Henry Cole and Dr. Peck

~ Uncle Zeke lamented in his December 7, 1921 column that Bill had suffered a serious injury when "A lie jumped a cog the other day and struck Bill on the knee and nearly put him out of commission."

~ Junior Copeland, Bill’s grandson, told this writer that his father related an episode to him which he recalled from his youth in Orlando. It seems that Bill was seen by a neighbor walking with great haste up the railroad track in Orlando and called to him to stop and tell him "a lie." Bill, seeming to be in deepest despair, kept walking by at a fast pace, saying "I don’t have time to stop. Mary Dolan at the Dolan Hotel fell and broke her leg and I’m going after Doc Peck." Of course, the Dolan girls at the Dolan Hotel were held in highest regard by the residents of Orlando and the neighbor rushed to the hotel to check on Mary’s injury. Of course, to Bill Copeland, the master prevaricator of Orlando, there is a sucker born every minute, as famously said by P. T. Barnum, and his hapless neighbor made the trip to the Dolan Hotel to find all the Dolan girls in fine health.

It’s Sunday – Come Read the Funnies of 1921 with Uncle Zeke!

by David Parmer

By 1921 Uncle Zeke had been writing the Buzzardtown News for over ten years. Never without an opinion about a national or local event, Uncle Zeke was either making his readers smile, laugh, or curse, but hardly ever were his readers indifferent to his musings about what was going on in the nation or on Oil Creek. This article re-lives his ramblings in the Buzzardtown News from 1921.

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February 1, 1921
Crippling Briers
Burr Skinner has actually crippled a few briers this winter.
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That’s Some Parsnip
Listen! O. P. McCord tells this one: He says J. L. Fox dug a parsnip and the family cooked two messes of it, then sent the remainder to George Riffle whose family ate two messes of it and sent the remainder to O. P. McCord and his family ate three messes of it, and then had to throw the remainder away. Some parsnip, eh?

The Greatest Common Divisor
Marion Riffle asked one of his boys the other evening how he was getting along with his arithmetic. “Ohh,” said the boy, “I am having some trouble. The teacher wanted me to find the greatest common divisor.” “Well,” exclaimed Marion, “haven’t they found that fool thing yet? They was lookin’ for it when I was a boy.”
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Who to You, Too
One evening not long ago O. P. McCord walked out upon the hill to look over his farm, something which he had not done for a long time. On nearing a patch of woods an old owl looked out of a big know hole in the tree and said in a loud voice, “Who-who-who?” O. P. said, “It’s McCord, you infernal fool; I thought everybody knew me.”
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The Orlando Literary
At the Orlando literary last Friday night the following question was debated: Resolved: that the State Capitol should be moved to Clarksburg. To affirm, P.A. Moran and Walter Mills; to deny, P. N. Blake and James Griffin. The decision stood two to one in favor of the negative.

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Methuselah
It is said that when Methuselah was a little boy three hundred years old he was very mischievous at school. Of course a boy at that age would be very bashful so when he disobeyed, the teacher would make him sit with the girls. I imagine that this is the reason he never got married in his young days.

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Noah and P. T. Barnum
Some people claim that just as soon as Noah’s ark landed he sold his animals to P. T. Barnum who was in then show business and got drunk on the money. Well, we read of Noah being drunk, but I don’t know where he got his money or booze either.
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Just Listen to This
Someone said there must not be anybody in Buzzardtown but O. P. McCord and Fred Lemley. Listen! Bruce Posey told George Riffle that Mart Posey told Roy Riffle that Rich Posey told Jack Riffle that Ezra Posey said that he heard John Posey tell Ellis Riffle to tell Taylor Riffle that Budde Posey told Marion Riffle that Sanford Posey wanted Lee Riffle to tell Oscar Riffle that Jarrett Fox saw Rye Heater telling Tom Conley that Ernie Fox had overheard Joe Skinner tell Poke Sharp that P. N. Blake said that Fred Lemley told O. P. McCord that "Red” Beckner “wanted Bud Hamilton to keep his infernal hounds at home.

Right: Bud Hamilton, owner of the "infernal hounds."

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February 18, 1921
Take Your Time
Never hurry through life unless you are going for the doctor.
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Big Game Hunters
Ezra Posey and Burr Skinner spent a few days in the mountains recently looking for big game.
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Brains and Beauty
If you are looking for brains and beauty come to Buzzardtown.

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It Sure Beats the Deuce or Contrary as Dick’s Hatband
Well, sir, it beats the deuce. There are some people in this world as contrary as Dick’s hat band and yet they don’t seem to know it.

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It Must Have Been Mail Pouch
The other night O. P. McCord started to laugh and swallowed about a pound of tobacco. He says he very nearly swallowed a whole chew.

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A Year of the Census
Our town is improving very rapidly: we now have one preacher, two section foremen, two bachelors, two old maids, three widows, a Smart Alec, a dude, a tattler, a know-it-all, a liar, about forty church members and a few Christians, six fox hounds, two coon dogs, one fiddler, one banjo picker, one Jew’s harp player, one boozer, and last but not least, plenty to eat and a host of good cooks. Drop in some day when you can’t stay long.
It’s True if Bill Copeland Told It
Well, I’ll be jumped up and befuddled if Bill Copeland isn’t talkin’ of gittin’ up a liar’s contest. Well, Bill can’t be beat. Of course, I won’t mention any name, but it is real funny to see Bill Copeland when he hears the truth told.

Right: Bill Copeland

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See What Holly Griffith Caused
Well, since the State Capitol building has been burned and the penitentiary has been damaged, and Griffith is at large again, I hardly know what to do. I think I will leave West Virginia and move to Webster County where it’s root hog or die.
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That’s the Craziest Thing
What do you think? A feller told me the other day that I must be crazy. Well, if he could notice it, I must be doggone crazy.
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April 19, 1921

Bad Roads is the Cause
John Blake says that if the roads weren’t so bad he could ride his kickless mule to the moon in three hours.

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Spousal Abuse
The housewife seems to be the most cruel person on Earth. Listen: She will beat eggs, whip cream, thresh beans, pound beef, squeeze lemons, mash potatoes, rob bees and kill chickens. And then claim to be so innocent.
Smells like Old Spice
Hogs are so scarce in the community, it would be almost worth a quarter to smell a hog’s breath.

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Snap Back with Stanback
I have been bothered considerably with headache recently. The doctor said he thought it was caused by insufficient knowledge.

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Loaves and Fishes
O Gee! If I had some lard I would fry some fish if I had any.
He’ll be in Trouble Tonight
It is said that in six days God made heaven and earth and then he rested. Then he made man and rested again. Then he made women and since then neither God nor man has had any rest.
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Champion Angler
Red Beckner, the champion angler of our town, succeeded in landing four dandy suckers recently, the largest being nearly three inches long.
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If Bill Copeland Told It, It Must beTrue
Bill Copeland says that Dr. Peck has threatened to indict Henry Cole at the next term of court for being so slow. See here, Doc, men who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Left: Dr. Peck

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May 3, 1921
Now, He’s a Plantsman
O. P. McCord says if he had a gallon of molasses he would plant them and raise his own sorghum this year.
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Making Music
As good luck would have it I happened to hear a pig squeal the other day, and it sounded as sweet as Uncle John McCarty playing “Leather Britches” on the fiddle.

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A Big Eater
O. P. McCord doesn’t feel very well at this writing. Neither would I if I would eat a peck of greens at one mess.

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Bug Juice
We have been informed that the devil recently visited Orlando with his holy water, commonly known as bug juice.

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May 24, 1921
He’s Sick
I have been troubled a little of late with neuralgia, rheumatism, and headache, and, to tell the truth, I don’t feel very well myself.

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Winding his Waterbury
I have been so busy the past week that I haven’t got to do anything. I have both the itch and a Waterbury watch, and what time I ain’t a scratchin’ I am windin’ my Waterbury.
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He’s Got No Talent
Archie Jones is learnin’ to play the fiddle, and honestly you can hardly tell it from a Buzzard cluckin’.
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He’s Done Plowing
O. P. McCord actually plowed a patch of potatoes the other evening, something he was never known to do before. It is feared that something awful will happen. His little son Fred says the horse would soon teach him to plow very well.

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He’s Not a Big Man
George Riffle tried for two hours the other day to sit down on his own lap and when he found out he couldn’t he tried to crawl into his pants pocket. Well George is awfully queer, anyhow.
Is it Yams or Sweet Potatoes
Gee Whiz! Mrs. O. P. McCord has six thousand sweet potatoes set out, up to now. Or maybe its only six hundred; it’s a big lot anyhow.

Left: O.P. McCord's wife Della (Hyre) McCord

Right: in Oil Creek, orange sweet potatoes (on the left of this image) are yams. There's a wonderful, milder root vegetable that we call "sweet potatoes". Generally speaking, we're pretty snobby about the superiority of our white sweet potatoes over the commonplace orange yams.

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Jack Benny Didn’t Invent It
Poke Sharp, who has been only thirty five years old for the last forty years, is on the sick list.

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Truth Has a Sharp Edge
Some people say they suppose it would be easy enough to tell the truth if they only knew how.
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Maybe He’ll Buy a New Hat
N. J. Henline says that Joe Skinner’s hat is in a very bad shape since it had a stroke of paralysis some time ago.

Right: Joe Skinner and his hat

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June 8, 1921
No Good Came of It
Tuesday morning just after I got out of bed, I discovered that a nice heifer calf had died, and it so upset Jerooshy that when she went to get breakfast she put sugar in the coffee pot instead of coffee, soft soap in the bread for shortning, baking powder in the sugar bowl and salted the eggs with soda. Gosh, my appetite weren’t much good for a spell. I have a kind of fool headache yet.

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July 6, 1921
What Will She Do Now
Mrs. A. N. Posey is troubled very much over two dish rags that blew away during Saturday’s storm.

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Them’s Big Claws
What do you think? The tarnal crawfish are catching Joe Skinner’s chickens.

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Seasonal Footwear
If the weather keeps on getting hotter, by Jucks, I’ll have to order me a pair of barefooted shoes. .
Cleanliness is Godliness

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It begins to look like some people ought to send their feet to the laundry and their faces to the barber shop.

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They are Both out of Work
It has been said that God made man, and man made money. Then God made bees and bees made honey. It seems that neither man nor bees are doing much at the job at present.

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It’s Almost Time
George Riffle says he will soon have a mess of young chickens, as he has some almost ripe.

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It’s Either Too Late or Too Early
During these short nights, it takes some people half the night to go to bed and the other half to get up.
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August 10, 1921
I’m Glad that is Straightened Out
Biddie Fox says she likes Grafton better than she does Buzzardtown. I suspect she means

Grafton Riffle.

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August 17, 1921
On Women’s Fashions
Women wearing shoes with heels like peggin’ awls, waists that only cover about half the upper cut of the body and skirts that reach far above the shoe tops. I wonder what we’ll see next!

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Where Did He Go
“Bud” Hamilton was somewhere one day last week, but you’d never know where by asking him.

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August 31, 1921
Crop Failure
Ha, Ha, Ha! ‘Jist orter see Bill Copeland’s ‘terbacker patch.

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It’s Those Horse Traders Again
A peculiar looking person passed this way a few days ago. He was almost barefooted and naked. He had long hair and a misshaven beard. I think he was president of the horse traders reunion.
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Boozing Amphibians
Bull frogs must be bootleggers for they keep a yellin’ “Jug-of-rum,” all the time.

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He Needs to Cleanse His Palate
A certain person at the birthday dinner recently mentioned, kept eating pound cake very freely. When someone passed him the bread and asked him if he wouldn’t like a piece of light bread, “Oh, no,” he said; “this corn bread suits my taste exactly; it tastes so much like the corn bread my wife makes.”

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What Won’t They Think of Next
Ernie Fox says just as soon as he can get someone to help him he is going to make him a horse; he got the pattern at the “hoss” traders’ reunion last Friday.

Left: Ernie Fox
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It’s Booze That Talks
I’ll bet a gallon of old hen against a gallon of pick handle that the devil has more people employed at present than any other person on earth. Now put up or shut up; its booze that talks.
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Boogerhole
What do you think of a person who would tear down a garden fence to let cattle in to destroy a woman’s summer’s work. I think such a person ought to be banished to Boogerhole, there to associate with big Boogers, little Boogers, little Boogers, he Boogers, she Boogers, black Boogers, and all other kinds of Boogers until old Nick shall say “Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the eternal abode of my dark domain.”

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Skygoglin’
Davy Parmer of Orlando has been seen looking a little skygoglin’ at some of the fair sex in our town recently.

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Dog Days
Some people say that every dog has its day. As dog days are now out I wonder what the balance of Bud Hamilton’s dogs will do, as there was not enough dog days to go round all of them.

“Elder” Apples
What do you think? People are making apple butter out of elderberries this year.

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Wedded Bliss
Well, who would have thunk it. And yet I guess it is so, at least everybody is tellin’ it. Davy Parmer told it twice, and Sonny Conrad is still tellin’ it. And Pat Moran said by “tunder” it is a fact: “That John Dolan and Miss Addie McCauley were recently joined in the Holy bonds of hemlock E Pluribus Unum, world without end. Amen. Miss McCauley is the accomplished daughter of Sam and Cecelia McCauley of Weston and John Dolan is the young proprietor of the Dolan Hotel at Orlando. May they live long and happy on this earth and may peace, pleasantness and sunshine surround their way, and may their voyage on the sea of matrimony be calm and serene, is the wishes of their old friend, Uncle Zeke.

Left: Pat Moran
Right: Sonny Conrad (Detail from a photograph of Beham Henline's funeral.)
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September 31, 1921
Half Souled
George Riffle actually broke the Sabbath, and he is wondering if Davy Parmer, the shoe cobbler, can mend it.
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And the Street Flowed with Liquor
It is said that old John Barleycorn and all his imps were in Orlando last Sunday. The day was pleasantly spent in a general knock down and drag out. Some people think that the Devil might swap his interest in the infernal regions for a little patch up here on the earth. Well I have the very spot picked out for him already equipped with the Devils, and I’m sure he would like it if it isn’t too tough a place for the old gentleman. If he ever comes to see about it he had better bring a gallon or two of moonshine and a deck of cards and I think he would be sure to make a deal. He couldn’t make it any worse.

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Which Will it Be
Some of our folks have about decided to buy a horseless carriage, but they are puzzled to know whether to get a Ford or an automobile.

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October 4, 1921
It Must be a Dodge
Fred Lemley sure has some car. It can almost climb a tree.
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Old Lafe
Our school is being taught this term by Prof. L. Mick of Burnsville. Lafe is a good teacher and takes great delight in telling the pupils how it happened.

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As Short as Short Can Be
Mary had a little skirt,
As short as short could be,
And every time she took a step,
You could see above her knee.
-Uncle Zeke
(Old and half blind)

October 19, 1921
High Prices
I wonder what is the matter? Cattle are low and beef is higher than it was when the old cow jumped over the moon.

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A Light Eater
George Riffle says if he had two ‘taters and a pint of chestnuts he could winter like a top.

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Squirrels Beware
Burr Skinner says he has all the squirrels killed around here but one: and Devil and Tom Walker couldn’t get it.

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Tsk! Tsk!
It is sad that even the church members at Orlando are moonshining and that the class leader was caught with a sixty gallon barrel of booze in his possession, but we can vouch for the latter not being true. O, when will prohibition prohibit? I would like to see the time when the officers of the law would do their duty and put a stop to such cussedness as is being carried on in most every community. Shame on the young men and older ones too who are ruining their reputations, their health, and their immortal souls. Listen, the Good Book tells us that no drunkard can enter the Kingdom of Heaven , and if you miss Heaven you miss all.

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November 9, 1921
The Great Pumpkin
Talk about your pumpkins and squashes! Neither Bailey nor Riffle is in it when Bill Copeland steps in. He says he raised 92 pumpkins on eight vines averaging eleven and one-half pumpkins to the vine. The smallest one weighed 41 pounds and the largest 100 pounds. He says he weighed one blossom alone that weighed an even five pounds. The vines, he says, ran around the garden each way and met and grew together on the opposite side, so he doesn’t know how long they were, but they were “some pumpkins” anyhow.

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The Splendid Oarsman
While over in Ohio last week some very strange things happened there. One man jumped into a boat and began to pull up the Ohio River. I couldn’t have pulled up a little ravine much less a river like that one.

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The Lost Child with Short Arms
In one of our towns I saw a little boy running along the street crying. A cop asked him what was the matter, and he said he had lost his mother. The cop sad, “Why didn’t you hold on to her skirts?” He said it was so short he couldn’t reach it.

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The Great Dilemma
Another fellow asked an old bachelor why he didn’t take a wife and settle down in life. He said he would but he didn’t know whose wife to take.

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There Was No Medicaid
A doctor went into a home to see a patient. “Well,” said he, “young man, you will soon be on your feet again.” “Quite likely,” replied the young man; “I will have to sell my automobile to pay your bill.”

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All or Nothing at All
A young man asked a peculiar old codger for his daughter’s hand in marriage. “No indeed,” said the old man; “you take the whole girl or none.”

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It Was a Rough Night
One man said to another, “I heard you were held up the other night.” “Well,” said he, “It must have been an act of charity. I was so drunk I couldn’t stand.”

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December 7, 1921
Hit Him on the Shin
A lie jumped a cog the other day striking Bill Copeland on the knee and nearly put him out of commission.

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War Tax
There seems to be a war tax on nearly everything. Some time ago a judge sentenced a prisoner to one year and ten days. The prisoner asked the judge what the ten days was for. The Judge replied, “War tax.”
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Capitol of the League of Nations
I suppose the next thing after the disarmament will be the building of the World Capitol and I know of no more suitable place than the City of Buzzardtown.

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Subject, Predicate, Modifiers and Dangling Participles
The question has been asked, “What part of speech is ‘woman’.” In most cases they are no part at all; they are usually the whole thing.

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Expect a Big Bill
I fear that part of my household effects will have to be taken to the hospital. The other day they got into a rumpus and the bed got its head cracked, a chair got an arm broke, the table sprained one of its legs. Just as the clock started to run the shotgun kicked it in the face; my watch fell and mashed one of its hands; the comb got one of its teeth knocked out; the tape line lost one foot; the darning needle got an eye put out. Just about that time I thought peace was restored the umbrella opened up, sputtered around and broke two of its ribs, a bottle fell out of the cupboard and broke its neck; molasses and coffee had a fight; molasses got licked and coffee had to settle down on its own grounds. The dresser complains of rheumatism in its legs and back and the stove pipe has the flue.

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Comment on W. H. “Holly” Griffith by David Parmer
“Holly” Griffith dominated the pages of newspapers in West Virginia in 1921. The three-time murderer, escapee from the State Penitentiary, and fugitive, Griffith created quite a bit of excitement in central West Virginia by continually thwarting the efforts of law enforcement to recapture him. One of the murders committed by Griffith occurred in Gassaway. The name “Holly Griffith” seemed to be on every tongue in 1921. Finally recaptured in South Carolina, Griffith served his multiple life sentences in the West Virginia State Penitentiary. Receiving a “medical leave” from Governor Hulett Smith in 1967 in order to obtain cancer treatments at the Cleveland Clinic, Griffith absconded once again and roamed the western states and Mexico with an old penitentiary buddy. He finally turned himself back in to prison authorities and died in prison in 1971

Uncle Zeke Rides the Tail of Halley’s Comet

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by David Parmer

Uncle Zeke was no stranger to controversy. His humorous columns and biting humor sometimes rankled readers of his column and frequently riled his fellow correspondents. His bitterest foes wished his dismissal from the ranks of newspaper columnists and the demise of the Buzzardtown News. From time to time, Uncle Zeke took a break from the writing of his Buzzardtown news column and on those occasions, some fellow correspondents surmised that he, at last, had been fired from his journalistic duties. Uncle Zeke however outlasted all of his critics and enjoyed a long career as a writer for the newspapers of central West Virginia.


The great American author, Mark Twain, achieved lasting fame with his many books which embody a slice of American culture, such as Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. But, as a sidelight to his fame, his life was marked by being born at the appearance of Halley’s Comet in 1835 and dying seventy-five years later in 1910 on the re-appearance of the same celestial event. This incredible coincidence was particularly significant because Mark Twain supposedly vowed that his death would not happen until Halley’s Comet reappeared.


Uncle Zeke decided he would attempt to surpass his idol Mark Twain and instead of achieving a mundane distinction, such as dying at the appearance of Halley’s Comet, he would metaphorically ride the tail of Halley’s Comet and live to write about it. Uncle Zeke also used the excitement of the appearance of Halley’s comet to respond to the Walkersville correspondent of the Weston Independent, one of his frequent critics among his fellow correspondents, who was prematurely rejoicing Uncle Zeke’s supposed departure from the pages of the Weston Independent. In his June 14, 1910 Buzzardtown news column in the Weston Independent, Uncle Zeke explained the absence of his column from that newspaper the previous week.

The Tale of the Tail of Halley’s Comet

“For the benefit of our brother correspondents, and especially Mr. John Henry Walkersville, I shall relate the cause of my absence. Imagine a person sitting on the tail of Halley’s comet, spinning through space at the rate of forty-seven million miles a minute, expecting a wreck or collision at any time. We traveled on and on at this velocity of speed until we came to the home of old Mr. Moon, who was suffering with a severe attack of eclipse. After staying all night and applying one of our porus plasters, we soon had the cause removed. We received a letter that morning from Sally Ann (that’s my wife), stating that all was well in Buzzard Town ‘cept ‘tater’ bugs, and went on our way rejoicing. We soon came to a place called Capricorn, where a primary election was being held, the candidates being Harry Woodyard and Mike Duty for Congress. It seemed that some of the people there did not know much about Duty, and it reminded me so much of our own town where some do not know even their own duty, or if they do, they fail to perform it. However, we applied one of Uncle Sam’s corn removers and soon had everything in proper shape. At this point, we received a letter from O. P. McCord stating that two of his best honey bees had died of heart failure, caused by the appearance of the great comet which had caused so much disaster among the people. After selling a few boxes of Nature’s herb cure to the natives of the upper regions, we started home by way of Weston to get some correspondence paper, but finding no one home at the Independent office, we flopped our wings and took flight for Buzzard Town, where we found the whole buzzard family awaiting our coming.”
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From a perusal of the early newspaper columns written by community correspondents during the early 1900s, it appears that Uncle Zeke was much on the minds of his readers and his fellow journalists as well. The absence of his column apparently created a cause célèbre among his readership and amongst his fellow writers, many of whom seemed to have strong opinions about him, some negative and others positive. Uncle Zeke was aware of the mixed feelings about his writing and frequently poked fun at his detractors but in an amusing way, such as the tale of riding the tail of Halley’s comet. Uncle Zeke wanted all to know, including Mr. John Henry Walkersville, that he was alive and well and right at home in Buzzardtown, but just returned from an interplanetary excursion

Arson in Oil Creek Town

by David Parmer

Right: A generic photo of a barn fire.

In his August 10, 1933 Buzzardtown News column, Uncle Zeke solemnly reported on disturbing news from Orlando. “On Wednesday night of last week, J. E. Riffle [Joesph Emory] of Orlando had the misfortune to lose his barn by fire with all its contents which consisted of several tons of hay and straw, lumber, harness and several other things of value. His loss amounts to about $1500 with no insurance. The fire was thought to be of incendiary origin. On Thursday afternoon bloodhounds were brought from Camden-on-Gauley but no evidence of the firebug was found. Hundreds of people on foot and in automobiles were hoping the hounds would find the guilty parties.”

“On Sunday night of last week, D. S. Bennett [David Stansbury Bennett, husband of Macel (Parmer) ] who lives at Orlando lost his barn by fire also, and about a year ago, J. M. Scarf’s barn was burned. All parties are heavy losers, none rich by any means, but all are good citizens who try to make a living.”

Other fires of mysterious origin had plagued Orlando in preceding years. The 1931, the I.O.O.F. Lodge Hall burned to the ground, and was a substantial loss to the community.
The perpetrator of the evil deeds was never apprehended by law enforcement authorities.

The Evil Man*
Crimes he took into his grave,
His spites and jealousies;
Ill will festered deep in him,
Villainy deep engraved.

Alone his years, no love for all,
No open arms had he;
Deviltry was his only mate,
Adverse to friendship’s call.

Surveilled by day and oft by night,
To pleasure eye and ear;
A voyeur spy, his mission’s was
An intimate scene to sight.

A nighttime blaze or naked breast
Lustfully, he did watch.
What balm he found,
Was a curse to Heaven’s test.

Old Shep was not his best of friend,
His ear was much too keen;
Rat-poisoned meat,
An offered treat, a canine life to end.

Kids, they mocked at every turn,
Poked fun at the spooky man;
But woe to those
That very night, a father’s barn could burn.

He thought that God called to him
To settle slights and scores;
But God indeed was not to blame,
It came from deep within.

A lodge hall home, ablaze one night,
With store and barber shop.
Townsmen tense and fear did grow,
More to his delight.

Kinships meant naught to him,
He dealt with all the same.
Guile and ruin was his aim,
And woe to despised kin.

Suspicion, yes, there was of him,
He was watched by wary eyes;
Blinds pulled down and doors at lock
To ward off his wicked sin.

Age dulled some his perversity,
But it had not yet run its course;
Granary shields removed by aged hand
To let the rats run free.

Annual floods delighted,
The villainous streak in him,
Smug to see his neighbor’s suffer
And all their life’s work blighted.

A devious man, that he was,
No remorse he left upon this earth;
Iniquity to the grave he took,
Tragedy without cause.

· The “Evil Man” is a fictitious character and is not based on any real person, living or dead.

When I Was a Kid . . .

Two Orlando residents, Nina (Smarr) Myers and P. N. "Newt" Blake, aka Uncle Zeke, remember how it was when they were young. Nina remembers Orlando in the late 1930s and the 1940s. Then Newt Blake/Uncle Zeke, who was in her foster parents' generation, looks back still farther, to the last decades of the 1800s.

by Nina (Smarr) Myers, 2009

My formative years were Clover Fork made, in the Holbert home on upper Clover Fork. My foster parents were Abia and Margaret Etta (Cunningham) Holbert, both of whom were born in the decade following the Civil War, My foster parents were in their sixties when I first came to their home in 1935, and in most respects, they were brought up with few farm or household conveniences which began appearing later in rural West Virginia after 1900. I often reminisced with my foster parents about the “olden days.” I experienced some of the “olden” days myself since I am now in my mid-80’s. The other day, I was speaking with a cousin in Webster County about the “olden days.” During the conversation, we enjoyed harkening back to the days of yesteryear and I thought I might share some of those memories with the Orlando web page.
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Left: Nina Smarr
Right: Nina's foster parents Abia and Margaret Etta (Cunningham) Holbert

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~ People made their own baskets and furniture.

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~ Shoe soles were made of leather. When a hole was worn in the sole, a temporary patch would be made of cardboard until the shoes could be re-soled.

~ When shirts were worn out, the buttons were also removed so they could be re-used.

~ When men or women wanted to appear “stylish,” shirt sleeves would be turned up at the cuff. A person would be really avant-garde if he or she rolled the sleeves up to the elbow.

Right, above: an egg basket woven by Burt Blake, son of

Right, below: A Prince Albert tobacco can like the ones that women cut and bent into circles to use as hair rollers.

~ All shirts were long-sleeved. Summer shirts would be of lighter weight and winter shirts were usually woolen. There were no short-sleeved shirts.

~ Clothes were changed about once a week and coincided with the weekly baths, which often consisted of a “sponge” bath.

~ Hair curlers were made of strips cut from Prince Albert cans which were rolled and covered with cloth.

~ Hair was curled with heated curling irons and crimpers.

~ Much of the clothing worn was made from feed sacks.

~ There was always cuffs on trousers.

~ All underwear went to the ankles. There was no short underwear. For toilet convenience, “union suits” came about.

~ Men wore suspenders, not belts, which were also called galluses or braces.

~ Women wore garters to hold up their stockings and men wore them to hold up their socks.

~ There were no blue jeans, but only overalls.

~ Either the mother or father was the family barber.

~ There was usually a “lay” dentist in the neighborhood who could pull a tooth when needed.

~ Some meals consisted only of cornbread, mush or corncakes and milk.

~ When the cow went “dry” there was no milk until after the calf was born.

~ Meat was rarely on the dinner table, unless it was pork, rabbit, squirrel, or groundhog.

~ Apples and beans were dried and used during the winter time.

~ Families did not use sugar but used molasses or honey instead.

Above, right: dried apples and strings of dried green beans

Below, right: a feather bed in a ticking made of fabric designed for that purpose.

~ Flies would be chased out of the house through open doors with towels so a meal could be eaten without flies bothering the table.

~ Sears Roebuck catalogs were used as toilet paper in the outhouses.

~ Ice would form on the water buckets inside the house overnight during the winter.

~ Straw ticks and feather beds were used on the beds. Early mattresses were made by penitentiary workers.

~ Radios had batteries. Only a few programs, such as the “Lone Ranger” and the news would be listened to in order to preserve the life of the battery.

Click on the picture to the right to pull up a collection of Lone Ranger radio recordings.

~ Pencils were sharpened by pocket knives which preserved the life of the pencil.

* * * * *

By P. N. Blake, writing in his newspaper column as Uncle Zeke, ca. 1930s:

Do You Remember?
~ When the evening meal was composed of mush and milk?

~ When us men folk wore our shirts open up the back?

~ The days of hoop-skirts, sun bonnets, bustles, bangs and hair rats?

~ When a young man felt bigger than Jack Dempsey when he had on a paper collar, a pair of green topped fine boots, a brass watch, and a Japanese silk protruding from the hip pocket of his new homespun pants?

~ When saucers were called sassers?

~ When cucumbers were called cowcumbers?

~ When a garden was called a gyarden?

~ When watermelons were called watermilyuns?

~ When panthers were called painters?

~ When people scoured the woods in search of knots to make knot mauls?

~ When we used boot jacks to pull our boots off?

~ When cartridges were called catridges?

~ When we used to tan groundhog hides for shoestrings?

~ When Dad Heater and Jim Posey wore deer skins moccasins?

~ When people would go ten miles to a revival meeting?

~ When preachers wore stove pipe hats?

~ When just a few folks could afford a clock and cooking stove?

~ When our grandmothers and grandfathers were full of the old time religion?

~ When people wore homeknit wool socks winter and summer?

~ When Tom Conley went to school on Three Lick Run?

~ When grown ups went to church barefooted?

~ When people roasted field squashes in hot embers?

~ When small children were afraid to go to bed after hearing some ghost stories?

~ When people walked five miles to have a law suit?

Uncle Zeke Reports on Orlando's Music Scene

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Music was a part of daily life and Uncle Zeke often mentioned music in the every-day activities of Orlando. Here are a few of Uncle Zeke's reports.

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. Uncle Jack McElwain

In his December 8, 1927 column, Uncle Zeke commented on the visit of a champion fiddler to Orlando.

“On Friday of last week, as Uncle Jack McElwain of Erbacon was returning from an old-time fiddlers contest at Elkins, he stopped off at Orlando, and while waiting on the Richwood train, delighted several folks with some of his favorite tunes on his “Strad” violin, which he claims was made in Italy in 1730. Uncle Jack, not being very well at the time of the contest on account of a sudden attack of rheumatism, failed to win the prize. He was champion of the state at a contest held in Charleston some time past and also at Clarksburg. It was our first time to hear Uncle Jack play. Considering his old age and physical disabilities, let me say, in the language of neighbor Scrapewell, to do him justice he plays extremely well. He was accompanied by his brother, Burb McElwain of Removal.”

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Right, above: The area of the Orlando train depot, where Jack McElwain would have been changing trains.

Left: Lewis Johnson "Uncle Jack" McElwain. This photo is from the book Play of a Fiddle by Gerald Milnes. Permission to use this photo is presently being sought.

Central West Virginian Lewis Johnson "Uncle Jack" McElwain was indeed an extraordinary fiddler, winning competitons at the national level and being invited to perform at the World's Fair. His occupation on his death certificate is listed "farmer."
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Fred Riffle

Fred Riffle of Posey Run, according to Uncle Zeke, liked to dabble in all sorts of activities. Musically, Fred learned to play the fiddle tolerably well. Uncle Zeke also mentioned that Fred learned to play the accordion under the tutelage of Bill Edgell. Uncle Zeke was noncommittal regarding the success of that venture.

“Fred Riffle has purchased a left handed German made violin from Sears Roebuck. Dick Skinner declares it looks and sounds exactly like a fiddle.”

“Fred Riffle, who is an expert fiddle player, can almost start a tune on his incubator.”

“Fred Riffle plays the fiddle just about as good as Ray Fox plays the violin. Ray would swap his violin for an automobile and take the difference in fiddles.”

Left: a Sears & Roebuck catalog violin: the back of the scroll.

Right, above: A violin bow for sale in the Sears & Roebuck Catalog

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Other Orlando Musicians

In his July 7, 1932 column Uncle Zeke reported that “The Orlando Hill Billies gave a musical entertainment at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Amos L. Henline last Saturday night. The boys, with violin, banjo and guitar sure made fine music. When called upon to render music for dances they are always “Johnny-On-The-Spot.” Their music has taken on the air from Fairmont broadcasting station. To hear them means hear them again.”

The members of the Orlando Hill Billies were Sam Bragg, Walter Blake, Howard Wymer and Clarence (Brownie) Riffle.

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Among other Orlando musicians mentioned by Uncle Zeke from time to time in his Buzzardtown News were Bill Dolan, “the noted musician from Grass Run,” P. N. Blake (Uncle Zeke), jaw harp player; Jim Green, fiddle player; “Oley Buck” Blake, son of Stewart Blake of Chapman; Forrest Henline, son of Amos Henline; “Bunk” Truman, fiddle; “Uncle Joe” Blake, brother of Stewart Scott Blake, French harp [harmonica] and singer; Ed Blake (brother of Marion), banjo and fiddle. Uncle Zeke was quite complimentary of the skill of J. T. McCartney of Rocky Fork on the fiddle strings when J. T. was 88 years old. Uncle Zeke called him “a number one fiddler.”

It's Either Politics or Worms

by David Parmer

In one of his earliest newspaper columns titled the Buzzardtown Budget which was published in the Weston Independent on February 27, 1912, Uncle Zeke set forth his political platform in order to introduce his political views to the public.

. . . . .

Buzzardtown Budget

by Uncle Zeke

Well, since the weather has been so bad, I could nothing but sit around and grumble. Sallie Ann Doozenberry, (that’s my wife), diagnosed my case and administered a few doses of the broom-stick, but it did not seem to have the desired effect, and I still have the grumbles. The children all go to school except for the six smallest ones, so you see when the most of the family goes to school, it is not the children that makes me grumble. My wife thinks it is either politics or worms.

I have been thinking a little about running for office, but I do not know what office to run for. I would like to be governor, but there are so many who want that office, and I have a notion to let some one else have it. Ekiah Hezekiah Hoakum said that I would make a good constable, if I could read and write and had a little nerve to help me out, but I do not like that office. I have almost decided to run for squire of the peace if I can find anybody that will vote for me, as some of my neighbors have been thinking about sending to Sears & Roebuck for a squire. The Democrats might get a candidate there for president.

I forgot to mention my politics. I am a Republican, teeth and toe nail. I believe in a protective tariff; I believe in a true Republic; I believe in trust busting; and I believe in women’s suffrage. I believe I would make a good candidate for president of the United States, but I do not want to interfere with Teddy, for I am a Teddy man from the sole of my head to the crown of my feet, and I shall take the stump for him if we arrange the price.

I am a little hard up now for money, and have been thinking of making a few speeches and then take up a collection, but the boys say if I got paid according to the way I talked, that I would come out on the small end of the horn. But, I have always succeeded in every thing that I undertook, except one, and that was when I tried to be successful. So, if I run for office, please do not get in my way, for I shall run to win, and I do not want to run against anyone, and if anyone runs against me I will stop and try the case right there. I have been wondering if Bryan will run for president again. He has been running so long I suspect he will not get back home in time to run this fall.

. . . . .

Left: Three of these four gentlemen ran for President of hte United States in 1912: Uncle Zeke, Teddy Roosevelt, William Taft and Woodrow Wilson.

Although the office he coveted was somewhat uncertain, despite its levity and humor Uncle Zeke leaves no question about where he stood on issues.

About the 1912 Presidential Election

Patrick Newton Blake, writing as Uncle Zeke, began his political writings with the presidential election of 1912. When he wrote this article in February, 1912, Teddy Roosevelt had not yet created his Bull Moose Pary; he was still a Republican. As it happened, in that election year there were three serious candidates, William Howard Taft, representing the Republican Party, Teddy Roosevelt, representing the Bull Moose Party, and Woodrow Wilson, representing the Democrat party. Teddy Roosevelt had served as President of the United States as a Republican from 1900 to 1908. William Howard Taft, also a Republican, was president from 1908-1912. Wilson was the Governor of New Jersey prior to the 1912 election. The entry of the popular Teddy Roosevelt, a Republican, into the presidential race caused a split in the Republican Party. Although Roosevelt and Taft, combined, won over 50% of the popular vote, the schism in the Republican Party allowed Wilson to win the election with just 41% of the popular vote.

Left: Cartoon is labled, The Latest Arrival at the Political Zoo. The donkey is saying "Suffering Snakes, How Theodore has changed." On the water barrel is written: "Water for Stock Purposes- Compliments of Harvester Trust"

Uncle Zeke Takes a Look at 1916

by David Parmer

In 1916 Uncle Zeke was in his second year as a writer for the Weston Independent. His Buzzardtown news column had become instantly popular to the readership of the paper. His success had generated some envy among his fellow writers, and his Republican politics had grated on some of the die-hard Democrats in central West Virginia. Uncle Zeke derided President Wilson’s economic policies which brought hard times to central West Virginia in the form of high prices and his foreign policies which were steering the United States into the European conflict. Uncle Zeke prophetically heaped doubt on Wilson ’s claim that he was “keeping America out of the war.”
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In the excerpts from Buzzardtown news columns cited in this article, Uncle Zeke reports the news of Orlando and the Oil Creek Valley, and says a thing or two about other events of the day.
rt: photo of Patrck Newton "Newt" Blake, aka Uncle Zeke.
There are 30 entries about P. N. Blake's column about the life & times of folks in the Oil Creek watershed. For example, see the Dec '06 entry Trouble At Uncle Zeek's House.
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January 4, 1916
Well, who would have thunk it; there is not an idle person in all these diggins’.
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O. P. McCord says his cow has mended up in her milk until she gives nearly a pint.
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The Philadelphia Gas Company is preparing to do a large amount of work here in the near future.
(Writer’s Note: The Philadelphia Company was a Philadelphia based company controlled by industrialist George Westinghouse. The Philadelphia Company acquired the Equitable Gas Company, a pioneer in gas exploration, and developed many oil and gas fields in central West Virginia during the early 1900’s. The gas produced from central West Virginia gas wells was marketed primarily to the Pittsburgh area.)
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The Philadelphia telephone office here is completed. The poles have been set and the line will be completed in a few days.
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A very funny thing happened out among the states recently, when old Kaintuckey got drunk and NewYorked all over Miss Idaho’s New Jersey. Wonder who this woman is they call Mary Etta over in Ohio that so many people went to see recently. Even married men hiked out and went over. “Shame.”
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The M. P. Sunday School at Orlando was reorganized Sunday with the following officers: S. D. Oldaker, Supt.; A. J. Heater, Asst. Supt; C. V. Blake, Sec’y; L. E. Skinner, Treas. Teachers are as follows: Class No. 1, A. J. Heater, Class No., 2 Audra Means, Class No. 3, Carrie Blake, Class No. 4, Mrs. Nora Means.

rt: William A. "Dock" and Laura "Nora" Means.
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January 25, 1916
Dr. Barker is the busiest man in all these diggins’. (Writer’s Note: Dr. John Ethan Barker was a native of Summers County, West Virginia. He received his medical degree from the Louisville Medical College in 1906 at the age of twenty-one. He first practiced medicine in Kansas and returned to West Virginia where he practiced medicine at Orlando from 1914 to 1916 when he decided to re-locate again in the West.) lt: Dr. John Barker

Sick? Yes. Bad? Yes. Grippe? Yes. Gonna Die? “Spect so. Ready? Er, No.
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War has shot ‘taters’ clean ‘outen’ sight.
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Sheep have been killing a few dogs in our neighborhood.
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S. L. Riffle has bought a new crosscut saw, and of all the saws I ever saw, I never saw a saw saw like that saw saws.
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Uncle Zeke says he has a bad case of satchel, suitcase or grippe. Dr. Barker thinks it is indigestion of the purse.
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P. N. Blake and family are all sick this week. He says the dog would be sick too, if he had one.
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A. J. Heater has resumed his position as section foreman on the C & C railroad, after being absent for a month buying crossties for the company. (Writer’s Note: Andrew Jackson Heater was the son of William Peyton Heater and Sabina (Posey) Heater. He was married first to Ora Riffle, daughter of John Scott Riffle and Mary Ann Skinner Riffle.)
lt: Andrew Jackson Heater
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Uncle Zeke says thou shalt is a command, and shalt thou is optional, or to make it plain, thou shalt means you must, and shalt thou means you may or may not.
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February 22, 1916
Rastus McCray lost a good team horse the other day.

(Writer’s Note: Rastus McCray was Robert F. McCray, an oil and gas field worker who lived on Ben’s Run. He died in 1953 at age 71 and is buried in the Pumphrey Cemetery.)
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Cecil Bee says he is ready any old time for some girl to pop the question to him.
(Writer’s Note: Cecil Bee was the son of John Bee and Lena (Godfrey) Bee. The girl who popped the question to him was Lizzie Graff. He was an employee of the Hope Gas Company. He died in 1971 at age 74. He is buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery at Weston. His wife Lizzie lived to be 102 when she died in 2002.)
lt: Cecil Bee
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The J. L. Fox and Riffle No. 2 came in a good gasser Thursday.
A fellow told us the other day that the roads were just awful bad from here to there.
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Mrs. A. J. Heater was taken to a Clarksburg hospital Friday to be examined for some unknown ailment.
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The B & O is putting in a side track here for the benefit of the Philadelphia Gas Company.
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Sam Posey, Poke Sharpe, and Frank Riffle have been selected as a committee to investigate the groundhog prophecies since the weather has gone wrong.
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Bud Hamilton and Ham Skinner have been working at Blackburn the past week, making road for the Philadelphia Gas Company.

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March 7, 1916
Now for a mess of greens, seasoned with ground hog grease.
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Rev. Davy Parmer preached at Orlando Wednesday night.
(Writer’s Note: Davy Parmer was the son of David Parmer and Ingebo (Church) Parmer. He was a cobbler and part-time preacher.)
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Condy Fox has decided to always remain a bachelor if some girl doesn’t pop the question pretty soon.
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A boy about eighty years old by the name of Billy Nicholson, stayed all night at P. S. Nicholson’s one day last week.
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Charles McCord is engaged in making bee-hives this bad weather.
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Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck.
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A bad freight wreck occurred on the B & O Saturday night, near Burnsville.
rt: a train wreck on the line from Burnsville to Orlando.
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Funny isn’t it, the Government will honor Washington’s birthday, but won’t Christ’s.
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We hope when the Lord winked at ignorance he wunk so hard that the wink still extends to the wicked and perverse generation.
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The Philadelphia roust-a-bouts spent last Thursday in the Posey office with the boxing gloves, John McDermott being champion, knocking everything east and west that came up before him. Boys, don’t tell Jess Willard about it.
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We sat up all night the other night watching the moon trying to change. It seemed to lack about fifteen cents of having enough to make the change, so we gave it that amount and it started off all right. The moon and me are a little alike just now, both on our last quarter, so at present neither of us can get full.
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Uncle Zeke says that if you take the number of Blakes on Oil Creek, multiply that by the number of McCues at McCue, then add that to the number of Riffles at Kemper, then multiply that sum by the amount of Poseys at Buzzardtown, the answer will be equal to the number of seconds contained in one year.
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March 14, 1916

Always Smile
O, angry frown, depart from me,
Ye scornful angry frown;
I hope some day that I’ll be free
And wear a golden crown.

O, gentle smile, O, smile of love,
O, decorate my brow;
Let angels from that world above
Smile gently on me now.

O, weary man, look up and smile
And never, never frown;
O, bear the cross a little while
And you shall wear a crown.

O, never frown, my dearest friend,
To frown is not worth while
If we meet Jesus in the end,
We’ll meet him with a smile.

And when we meet in heaven above,
With Jesus we’ll sit down,
And grasp the hand of those we love,
We’ll smile instead of frown.

May God his blessings to use give,
Let earth and heaven smile:
I hope in heaven we shall live
Where we can always smile.

And when our days on earth are o’er,
Farewell for just a while
For when we meet on heaven’s shore
I’ll meet you with a smile.

Orlando, W. Va. P. N. Blake

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March 28, 1916
We feel very sorry for some places that they haven’t got so much as a buzzard’s feed.

We think the recent frosts were a little hard on the frog crop.
Uncle Zeke says the McCue broad axe man ‘mout’ of set a gentleman hen.

Hurrah two times for woman suffrage.

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Since reading of the death of some of our prominent men, yer Uncle Zeke feels a little shaky.

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We are not quite certain whether this is last winter, this winter or next winter.

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A bad freight wreck occurred here on the B & O R.R. Thursday morning delaying passenger trains several hours.
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Cecil Bee thinks that four dogs after the sheep at one time is enough, so Bang! Bang! went the old shot gun.
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Girls – did you ever stop to think that gum chewing is about as obnoxious as a buzzard’s breath just after feasting on carrion.
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We get so mixed up sometimes with The Independent and the Free Press that we pulled off our pants the other day to go to dinner thinking we were going to bed. This is a little joke we don’t want any of the correspondents to know.
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April 16, 1916
Vote for women to vote.
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Uncle Zeke wishes it made known that he is a candidate for the poor house, "spect I’ll git thar, Eli.”
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All aboard for Kemper and the Riffle and frog concert.
(Writer’s Note: Kemper was a stop on the B & O railroad line about midway between Orlando and Peterson Siding on Oil Creek.)
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You bet Uncle Zeke likes the lash. Don’t care if you lash him some more, Mr. Kemper.
Ray Blake and Jennette Posey were married at Burnsville recently. Rev. John Ramsey officiated.
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O. P. McCord sprained one of his legs the other day. Consequently he is going around on three legs at present.
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Dock Henline is nearly seven feet tall. Wonder if it was the war that made him so high?
lt: Oscar "Dock" Henline, who served in WWI.
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Lost, somewhere between Buzzardtown and Skunkville, a young man by the name of Bud H, between the age of twenty-five and fifty. When last seen he was at W. T. Riffle’s at the mouth of Possum Holler on his way to “ Georgia.” (Writer’s Note: Bud Hamilton married Georgia Riffle, daughter of W. T. Riffle.)
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April 25, 1916
We are sorely pained to think that we will soon have to wash our feet.
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Listen to the whippoorwill. We are glad it isn’t whippoorzeke.
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Mother earth has discarded her suit of brown, and donned her beautiful robe of green.
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Uncle says that the busiest he ever was was when he tried his best to attend to his own business.
Did you ever take notice that the thing you tried to forget was always the easiest thing to think of.
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We notice in the Roanoke items that T. F. Horner has two ewes with six lambs. That’s nothing. The other day I saw two lambs with eight ewes.
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We think the reason they did not put a woman in the moon was because they wanted to keep all the women to vote.
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Charley McCord says he would like for the parties who borrowed some corn and sauerkraut from him the other night while he slumbered, to return it at once.
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Yes, Old Field Fork. We will sure swap a settin’ of ‘aigs’ for a good bee course, if you will send L.D. Mick over after them. We will send Dow Heater at once after the bee course. Now, will you be good.
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June 6, 1916
Jack Posey has two rows of corn hoed.
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P. N. Blake is doing some grading work for the Pittsburgh and West Virginia Gas Company. (Writer’s Note: The Pittsburgh and West Virginia Gas Company was another subsidiary of the Philadelphia Company, a George Westinghouse company. The Pittsburgh and West Virginia Gas Company was an early explorer for oil and gas in central West Virginia and its production was primarily marketed in the Pittsburgh area.)
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P. S. Nicholson was kicked on the arm by a horse Saturday and was pretty badly hurt.
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It took O. P. McCord three days to tell the truth and then he almost failed.
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Bless your little gizzard, Mr. Oil Creek. It was not your Uncle Zeke that backed down on the suffrage question.
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Yer Uncle Zeke is of the opinion that if the money that is paid to the road engineer every year was applied to the roads, we would have better roads than we have now.
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Ike McCord got a bad fall the other day – he just fell in love.
C. C. Lallathin has gone to Cove Lick to assist in building rigs for the Philadelphia Gas Company.
(Writer’s Note: C. C. Lallathin, an Ohioan, came to central West Virginia to work in the oil and gas fields. He married Carrie Blake, daughter of Uncle Zeke. He died young in 1919 and is buried at Orlando.)
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We recently noticed a potato growing, and it was just seven minutes coming through the ground.
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Shucks. There is nothing to greasing shoes. I tested it by greasing one and not the other, and the greased one only lasted fifteen minutes longer than the other one.
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One day last week, George Riffle’s dog bit Bill Hosey in the forks of the road.
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The recent frost swiped a few young mustaches in our vicinity.
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A young lady of our town fell off the dresser the other day and hurt herself on the drawers.
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The Pittsburgh and West Virginia Gas Company is doing some surveying here this week.
R. M. Riffle is night watch at the Orlando depot during Charles Knight’s six month vacation.
Homer and Burr Skinner met with a bad accident the other day. They bought a tent to summer in, and after bringing it home and setting it up, it some how took fire and was reduced to ashes quicker than you could say Jack Robinson.

I love to read the county news,
That comes to us each week;
If ye correspondents have the blues,
Consult your Uncle Zeke.

I had a dream the other night,
We can’t help things like that;
I dreamed the editor, George White,
Was now a Democrat.

Some say I had a bad nightmare,
Some say it was a spook;
Some say old “Nick” sure was there,
Some say ‘twas Davy Cook.

June 13, 1916
The Philadelphia Gas Company has made three locations on the lands of O. P. McCord, W. S. Posey and A. N. Skinner.

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Clarence Riffle has been carrying slop to the hog pen to feed the hogs the past week thinking the hogs were there, but to his surprise they had been gone three days.

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A corps of engineers is surveying a twelve inch pipe line from here to Murphy’s Creek, a distance of about fifteen miles.

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While teaming for the Hope Gas Company one day last week C. L. Riffle was caught by a chain and thrown over an embankment, breaking his leg just above the ankle. We feel sorry for him, as he is one of our best men, and a hustler besides.

(Writer’s Note: The Hope Gas Company was a subsidiary of Standard Oil of New Jersey. In 1943, Standard Oil, a Rockefeller company, was ordered to divest itself of the natural gas companies it controlled under an anti-trust ruling. After re-organization, Hope Gas became part of Consolidated Natural Gas Company. Hope furnished natural gas primarily to northeast Ohio, but also to local communities such as Orlando and Burnsville from its local gas wells.)

Lafayette Riffle, who has been known to suck four dozen raw eggs and eat two pounds of cheese to finish his meal, passed here recently wanting to bet a dollar that he could eat a bale of hay in twenty minutes and cut the wire with his teeth.

(Writer’s Note: See a story about Lafayette Riffle in May '07: Lafayette Riffle – Champion Eater .)

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Uncle Zeke says he planted a nice patch of politics this spring, but they have not come up yet.
The following recipe may be found useful in many homes: Take one ounce of decency, one teaspoon of self respect, one scruple of humanity, two drachma of principle, and sweeten it with a pound of love, dissolved in a quart of friendship, bottled in pure heart, and taken every hour of the day. .

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July 11, 1916
O. P. McCord is preparing to build a new house.

Lost, somewhere in the weeds, Charley McCord’s cornfield.

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A. J. Loomin is having a swell time. Yes, it’s the mumps.
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A B & O double-header derailed a car load of lumber in the west end of our town on the evening of the 4th, but little damage was done.

..
While working at the pump station here the other day, Roy Mick got his foot hurt, Oscar Posey a finger mashed, and one boy got ‘boozy,’ but they are all better now.

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R. F. McCray informs us that Pat Feeney has started a booming business on Ben’s Run. He has hired Joe Scarff and Bill Hosey to build brush fence, and in spite of all, they can make one panel a day.

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Hefner Brothers of Burnsville have drilled a water well here for the Philadelphia Gas Company. They are now drilling one for P. S. Nicholson and have another one to drill for H. H. Coberly, G. C. Posey and O. P. McCord.

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One June 19th, the Lord sent the Death Angel into the home of A. J. Heater and selected for its victim, Ora, his beloved wife. Our heart goes out in sympathy for the bereaved husband and children.

For more on Ora Heater, see the entry Ora Frances and Lummie Jane: A.J. Heater's Two Wives .

August 1, 1916
O. P. McCord’s new dwelling is under construction.

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While working on a rig one day last week, C. C. Lallathin cut his leg badly with an ax.
Listen! Our town can boast of the wisest men, the prettiest women, the fewest liars, and the most dogs of any town this side of Jericho.

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Uncle Zeke says that Lafe Mick will ‘teech’ our ‘skule’ this winter.

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Since the state went dry, Burr Skinner has been buying toads to get their hops to make beer. Isn’t that wisdom?

..
C. O. Skinner, our enterprising merchant, was at Orlando the other day and purchased a pound of Arbuckle’s coffee and a cake of Grand-pa’s soap.

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Uncle Zeke says there is no work as hard as hard work. Uncle Zeke is always right, sometimes.

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Walter Kelley has a ‘hoss’ that can hit the Buzzardtown tango to perfection.

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A. J. Heater has been promoted to assistant supervisor on the northern division of the C & C railroad.

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August 8, 1916
O. P. McCord’s new dwelling is nearing completion.

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Yes, we have lost the pump station for some reason.

(Writer’s Note: The Philadelphia Gas Company had originally planned on building a gas pumping station in the Posey Run area. After considering the flooding situation along Oil Creek and other favorable tangibles at Burnsville, the gas pumping station was instead built at Burnsville.)

rt: The pumping station built at Burnsville instead of Orlando

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The Fourth quarterly conference of the U. B. denomination was held at Orlando Tuesday, Reverend F. G. Radabaugh, presiding.

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P. N. Blake wishes it made known that he is done harvesting. He actually cut and put up one little hay doodle this season.

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A District Sunday school convention was held at Orlando Saturday and Sunday. A large crowd was present, and a good time was the result. Dinner on the ground. Little Rhoda Rawson of Burnsville attended the convention at Orlando Saturday and Sunday. She now tips the beam at 332 pounds. (Poor little thing.)

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Left: Rhonda Rawson with Marjory.

‘Grump’ Matthews smoked so hard last Saturday, trying to keep even with Tank Henline, his pipe caught fire and burned up in three minutes. When last seen Tank was still puffing away.
Several of our people went to Elkins Sunday on an excursion. The train got stuck behind a wreck at R. C. Junction and did not return until Monday morning at four o’clock. They said not to tell anyone about it. (We won’t.)

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The Devil and Tom Walker have played smash with our pump station here, or else a big Buck Buzzard happened to swoop down too close and ‘skeered’ the fool thing away to Burnsville. We learn that Deck Barnett and Hank Bowyers are now looking after it. (Well, for pity’s sake.)
Hefner Brothers drilled a water well for the Pittsburgh and West Virginia Gas Company which proved to be a fine mineral water, known as the salt sulphur. The well is one hundred four feet deep. People are much elated over the lucky find and folks are carrying it away in jugs. Some claim they have been benefited by its use already.

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J. A. Freeman and son Arthur, J. E., J. F., and M. L. Riffle, H. O. Keith, W. C. Ratcliff, Alpha Gay, E. B. McCord, James Blake, Robert Brinkley, and many others, attended the Odd Fellows meeting at Elkins last Sunday.

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August 22, 1916
O. P. McCord says to please call him ‘Mr. McCord’ since he got a new house.

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C. O. Skinner contemplates going to Colorado this fall.
..
If war is hell, to fire a gun must be ‘hell fire.’

J. E. Riffle says he knows what it is to monkey with the business end of a honey bee.

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The Hope Gas Company has made locations on the lands of A. J. Heater and Mrs.
May Carter, in our vicinity.

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Did Wright do right to write out the rite of the church?

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Ray Heater and Ed Oldaker started out with their hounds to see is they could catch up with the price of flour.

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Solomon was the wisest man in his day. The same may be said of O. P. McCord this day and time.

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Ezra Posey and C. O. and Burr Skinner left West Virginia and went up into Braxton County to fish. They returned the next day having caught nothing except bad colds.

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A tool dresser by the name of Davis, who was working on Free State No. 14, got one of his arms broken in a couple of places Saturday morning. He was taken to a Clarksburg hospital on the same day.

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P. N. Blake of our town and Rev. L. L. Westfall of Stop were at Copley Saturday night, returning by way of Taylor Keith’s. Taylor is an old fox hunter and likes to tell of his sport with his faithful dog chasing Reynard. We sometimes think that if Taylor is so lucky to get to heaven, that the first thing he will inquire for will be a couple of hounds and a shot gun. They were accompanied by two of Mr. Keith’s daughters, Robert McCray, and the daughters of Will Wiant to Mary’s Chapel, where Mr. Westfall preached a very able sermon in the afternoon. .

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September 19, 1916
O. P. McCord says he woke up twice the other night, before he went to sleep.

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A rooster was once asked why he didn’t lay eggs. He said he had seen it done many a time, but to save his life he couldn’t.

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I dreamed one night I was a Democrat and haven’t felt well since. O, such awful dreams.

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Flour from eight to ten dollars a barrel is quite a joke on the farmers, and not a bit of wheat in our neighborhood to thrash this year.

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Say! Would a young polecat be called a pole kitten?

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Hurrah for Woman Suffrage.

If some men would rise from the dead and read their own epitaphs most of them would think they got in the wrong grave.

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I. T. McCord left Tuesday for some point in New Orleans.

There are two reasons why some people don’t mind their own business. One is they don’t have any business, and the other is they don’t have any mind.

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Just now there is a ten dollar use for every five dollar bill in existence.
The high price of flour has knocked out pound cake entirely. We do well to get ounce cake now.
The price of knowledge must have gone up too. At least, it seems as if some of us can’t get any of it anyhow.

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Well, here is to the reunion. We hope to get a square meal while in the city. We have lived on shadow soup for so long we are anxious for a change of diet.

October 3, 1916
Be sure to vote for Woman Suffrage.

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Hughes will be the next president; so sayeth Uncle Zeke.

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O, for a thousand tongues to lick, said the boy when he
fell into the molasses tub.
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For the benefit of some of the readers of the Independent who possibly never saw a buzzard, we give a brief description. The buzzard is a fowl of the animal kingdom. It is very large and somewhat resembles the American turkey, both in color and size. They never utter a cry, but always seem to be happy. They feed chiefly on the dead carcasses of live animals. They are very harmless but when attacked, they emit a substance called puke, which to the nostril of mankind, is very obnoxious. This seems to be Mr. Buzzard’s only way of defense. How natural nature is anyhow.
.. .
October 31, 1916

Vote for Hughes. Goodbye Wilson. Shall the women vote? Beans, Beans, Beans. Howdy, President Hughes. Will flour and Gold dust blend? He kept us out of war. Who?
Keep cool, vote for Hughes, and be wise.

George Riffle, the dwarf, has moved to Orlando.

..
Fred Lemley has move to our town from Crooked Fork. Claude Snyder has moved to our town from Orlando.

Whether we are in war or not, we are paying for it just the same.
Yes, they tell me that he kept out of war, but they never tell you he reduced the cost of living.

Wilson, war, whiskey and woe,
To the White House never can go;
Vote for Hughes and save the nation,
From another Democrat administration.

Perhaps the oldest watch in this neighborhood is owned by M. C. Gallagher of Three Lick Run. It was purchased in November 1880 of the late Er Ralston of Weston and is of the William Ellery make. Although thirty-six years of constant wear, it is today in a fair state of preservation, though like man, age has caused it to move a little slow.

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November 21, 1916
I have the blues, but hurrah for Hughes. Gosh, but didn’t it go Dimmycratic. The buzzards are all gone. I think they must have went to the election and voted the Democrat ticket.

The twelve inch pipe line on the McCord farm blew up Monday. No serious damage was done.
Burr and Dick Skinner were in the vicinity of Burnsville one day last week imbibing in bug juice.

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Emmett Atkinson says his children are all sick, but eight.

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We learn that Matilda Riffle, an aged lady of Clover Fork, died Tuesday morning.

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F. W. Lemley had a telephone installed in his residence Tuesday.

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W. T. Riffle is building a tool house in the I. O. O. F. cemetery at Orlando for the benefit of Washington Lodge No. 194.

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If the political sense that some of our people has was all glycerin and would explode, it would not shake the whisker on a gnat’s chin.

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Joe Workman, who resides on Pine Run, is said to be the busiest man in all the world. He recently told the writer that he never had time to name his children; consequently they must be without names.

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If John Rollyson will guarantee Homer Posey to tell the truth twice between now and Christmas, Uncle Zeke will give him a chew of honest scrap tobacco.

The wild geese have flown, the election is over, winter is here, crops mostly gathered, show birds are chirping, the sportsman and rabbit are having it nip and tuck, and ye scribes are all still living, so prepare to give thanks to the Great Creator for his goodness and help make the old Independent the best paper in the county.

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I haven’t aught against the tumblebug,
But I don’t like his occupation.
The Democrats may be all right,
But I don’t like their administration.

December 5, 1916
Hughes must be a pretty good barber. He sure gave Wilson a close shave.

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Bet yer life I voted for woman suffrage. How did you vote?

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Uncle Zeke says a kiss is of no value to any one, or a nothing divided by two.

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Henry Cole, poor old soul, in hauling coal, he lost his sole.

A new board walk from the residence of Fred Lemley to the B & O railroad is a late convenience.

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Why do people laugh in their sleeve? Because it is a direct route to their funny bone.

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To get lard out of a vessel easy, always grease the vessel before putting the lard in.

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As ye sew, so shall ye rip. First Zeke, first chapter and the hind claws of the tooth verse.

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The Bish and Dyer well on the Rush farm here came in a good gasser.

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Two persons went to Oakland the first of the week and came back one. Clarence says Dosha Posey’s name is now Mrs.Williams.

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Let all remember that everything Uncle Zeke writes is just for fun. So let no one get offended at my foolishness, or it will make me feel real bad too.

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We are put in this world to help one another, and if we don’t do it we are worse than a Democrat. O, I mean an infidel.

There was a young lady from Sutton,
She couldn’t eat nothing but mutton;
She tackled a sheep on the hillside steep
And he gave her a hell of a ‘buttin.’ .

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December 12, 1916
Homer Skinner says he caught two skunks and a polecat the other night.

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Winter Freeman says we know nothing about high living as he does because he lives on top of the hill.

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C. C. Lallathin had a dog fight the other day. I mean a fight with a dog. Neither party was badly hurt.

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If Tom Peppers was kicked out of hell for lying, what in thunder will happen to some of the people at this day and time.

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Someone remarked recently that they saw a gas well sticking out of a hole in the ground in our vicinity. “Humph,” it might have been a possum.

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Charley McCord has a good job now with the Philadelphia Gas Company. He lights Roscoe Shafer’s pipe and holds it for him while he smokes.

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Bill Dolan says he has just a good a fiddle as any man if he had a bow, a set of strings, a tail piece, a finger board, and a set of keys.

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Tom Conley took about a five minute’s hunt for his pipe the other day and when he found it, it was in his mouth.

...
There was Henry G. and Stephen B.,
In politics, they couldn’t agree.
But after that there was something funny,
They could always agree to gobble the money.

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It is said the Devil will get some people if they do go to church. And he will get some if they don’t go to church. So my advice would be, to go to church and take chances on Mr. Devil.

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Arthur Loomin still goes to J. R. Posey’s; Guy Ball to J. E. Riffle’s; Buck Hawkins to J. F. Posey’s; Clem Crislip to Joe Skinner’s; and Bud Hamilton has taken up abode at W. T. Riffle’s. All right boys.

lt: Joe Skinner, father of Opal, who married Clem Crislip

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The health of our town is pretty good at present, except G. J. Posey has a cramp in his leg, W. S. Posey has heart trouble, A. N. Posey is broken down in the back; Oscar Posey has a bad cold; J. F. Posey has a Posey pain; P. S. Nicholson, a crippled foot; a few others are crippled in the head, and yer old Uncle Zeke has one broken rib, two more cracked and another one slightly bent.

rt: "G. J." George Jackson Posey and family
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December 28, 1916
Wonder if the Democrats will reduce the cost of living this time?

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Homer Skinner shipped a nice bunch of fur this week.

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Wade Blake of Orlando is plumbing for gas in our town.

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C. C. Lallathin says if Job’s boils were any worse than his’n, he was to be pitied,

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Beef is about as high now as it was when the cow jumped over the moon.

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The Philadelphia Gas Company has slowed down on their work here since the election. No wonder.

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Uncle Zeke says he would like to write some, but he is afraid the price of writing is gone up too, but look out.

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From now on, you can expect the news to come systematically, automatically, Democratically and tomcatically.

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A young man recently ordered a violin from Sears & Roebuck, and when it arrived, he said it was nothing but a darned old fiddle.

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A very prominent Democrat went into W. A. Means store some time ago and asked for a bottle of cock-eye. He happened to get mixed up a little, as it was peroxide he wanted. Sure the way of the transgressor is hard. ..

Epilogue

So ended the year 1916. There was a hard fought presidential election between Woodrow Wilson and Charles Hughes, which was narrowly won by Wilson on the platform that “he kept us out of war.” A short time into 1917, Wilson would revoke that pledge and take the country into the European conflict. The cost of living was a sore spot for Uncle Zeke and most Americans because food stuffs were being steered to Europe instead of to the American dinner table. Women’s suffrage was a big issue during the 1916 political campaigns, a cause Uncle Zeke highly promoted. The oil and gas industry was booming and three gas companies, the Philadelphia Gas Company, the Pittsburgh and West Virginia Gas Company, and the Hope Gas Company, were active in the Orlando area drilling wells and producing oil and gas. Pipelines were being built to transport the gas to major market areas. The Baltimore and Ohio railroad and the Coal and Coke railroad were very active hauling lumber, coal, and passengers throughout the state. The automobile still had not become the bane of a horse-driven agriculture. Orlando, situated in the middle of an active economy, was a booming town as was the Oil Creek valley. A Burnsville newspaper, in 1914, remarked that the Oil Creek valley between Burnsville and Orlando was dotted with one house after another, and that one couldn’t tell where Burnsville and Orlando began and where they ended.
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All in all, despite Uncle Zeke’s disappointment about the election, and the high cost of living, most people were employed, moonshining had not yet become a major problem, the flapper era had yet to begin, Uncle Zeke’s jokes and humor generally pleased his constituency, and life went on in the Orlando area much as before.